She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
