How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
