I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
