Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
