I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
only if we run a train.
done.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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