She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
