3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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