we have officially lost it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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