Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
