I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
