i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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