You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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