Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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