rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
