My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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