so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
