My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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