when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
