Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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