She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
