shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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