Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
