Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
