Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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