margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
