My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
