Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
