He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
