You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
