Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
