I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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