I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
