She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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