With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
