I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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