I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
