Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
