Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
