We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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