It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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