don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
