everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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