apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
