Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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