my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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