we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
