OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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