On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
