i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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