you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
