I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
