I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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