dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
