laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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