That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
