just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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