I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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