found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think your dad took our porno
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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