How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
