ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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