I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
