White coat. Heels.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm passing your future prison.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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