Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
