I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
