Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
