Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
